Scientists putting Holy Water in vaccinations to increase vaccination rates among Christians

Virologists at Grand Canyon University have developed a flu vaccine which is being called “Literally putting Christ in your body”.

Dr. Hank Light and Dr. Dorian Mode, noticing a drop in vaccination rates among Christians, proposed to invent a vaccine marketed towards Christians.

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Light and Mode posted an online poll in a local Christian group, with 500 answers. 12.5% of respondents claim to be against vaccination, and of that 12.5%, 69% responded that they would vaccinate if the vaccine was more Christ-oriented.

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Despite having the same physical effects as a regular flu vaccine, test subjects in Colorado have reported feeling “Closer to the Cosmos”, “Holy”, “Like an angel”, and “A little sore, but dang it, I feel Heaven.”

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36% of test subjects, in a pre-experimental questionnaire, claimed to be regular churchgoers.

In a post-experimental questionnaire, given out to subjects one month after the experiment, the number jumped to 55%.

The new vaccine, now known as Lidora, will be distributed by GSK in association with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Gerald Ministries, and the Catholic Church this October.

Unfortunately, Lidora is a little more expensive than a typical vaccine because of a limited supply of Holy Water for medical use.

Story: u/officerlollipop|FacebookPageHere

Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

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