All Plants Are Fake Store-Bought Plants From IKEA, Study Suggests

Have you ever wondered why the plants outside look almost as good as fake plants that you buy at the store? A new study claims to have found the answer: the government has been planting fake IKEA plants outside while everyone is sleeping.

The study was started by Yôhan Keleven out of Sweden. He and his team of scientists examined several trees, flowers, and other miscellaneous plants in American cities such as Portland, Boston, and Charlotte.

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Below are their findings:

“The government obviously forgot to take the IKEA tags off most of the plants before putting them in the ground. Residue of IKEA’s popular Swedish meatballs and lingonberry sauce was found on more than 80% of the plants. We also found nuts and bolts from old IKEA furniture under the soil. We are almost certain we can conclude that all plants are sourced directly from IKEA and are passed off as ‘real’ plants to the general public.” – Dr. Keleven on his findings

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If this is true, it’s another example of dishonesty by the US government. But it’s also a pretty big deal for the Swedish furniture company. Not only do they make incredibly cheap furniture that is virtually impossible to put together and usually falls apart in two weeks, but they’re also singlehandedly providing nature for all of America. Thank you IKEA, very cool!

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Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

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