What’s the first thing you do with the alien you stole from Area 51 and why is it clappin them cheeks?

Out of all the possible people going this September, the one thing that seems to be on everyone’s mind is, “what that coochie feel like tho?”

Storming one of, if not THE, most heavily guarded military bases in the world may sound like a death sentence but when it’s in the name of love, its kind of romantic.

Read More: Area 51 photos leaked; BLACK MERMAIDS!

We all know these earth thots ain’t hittin’ the same.

As a species, evolution and primitive desires are tearing at our burners telling us we need to procreate so what better being than a super evolved extraterrestrial with longevity and presumably zero genetic deficiencies.

Read More: Dogs Lick Us Because We Have Bones Inside And They Want Them, Scientists Say

The Naruto running mf’s are gonna be the ones getting in there first and you know those anime nerds ain’t trying to smash no thicc alien ass. They are only trying to reverse engineer some space craft shit.

Read MoreNew Study Shows That Breathing Air Is Linked To Staying Alive

No matter your reason for raiding the base just be safe out there on September 20th.

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

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