Dyslexic Man Storms Area 15 – No Charges Will Be Filed – Authorities “Feel Bad”

A dyslexic man named Marc Arlington thought he would be joined by the force of 3.2 million people when he stormed Area 15 yesterday. He was disappointed when he arrived at a relatively empty government building in the desert and was quickly detained by a lone security guard.

The Department Of Defense released a statement regarding the matter:

“It’s actually pretty sad. Not only did this guy have the wrong place, but he was off by two months… We won’t be pressing charges because we honestly feel bad for him. A long sentence would be the worst punishment possible for this man.”

Read More: Florida mom Karen, dissatisfied with Alien, requests to speak with Area 51 manager

When asked whether or not he would go back to the real Area 51 raid on September 20th, Marc said he would try his best to make it. He said dealing with dyslexia and trying to stay connected on social media is a tough task. “My dyslexia has reached a new owl.” he wrote on Facebook after the failed Area 15 storming.

Read More: Area 51 photos leaked; BLACK MERMAIDS!

As Marc has been set free by the guards at Area 15, he has two whole months to prep for the real Area 51 raid. Let’s all hope he can get his together shit.

Read More: “Flat earther scientist” finds a way to solve global warming by flipping over the earth to the cool side

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

One thought on “Dyslexic Man Storms Area 15 – No Charges Will Be Filed – Authorities “Feel Bad”

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  1. Wow oh golly geez that sure was an unfortunate event for that poor man hopefully he has a splendid time in Area 51 clapping alien cheeks

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