The long awaited day that millions of us lied about going to is finally here and it’s only about to get bigger.
Thousands of people from the internet have already shown up to Nevada risking their lives for this once in a lifetime chance to see the Mecca of military bases, AREA 51, and hopefully clap some alien cheeks.
We were so excited and surprised to see Florida’s very own Kyle, cleaned up and out of jail we just had to speak with him.
Woken: “So, what’s up, dude? How’s life? What made it a good idea to travel 7 states away from Florida with that ankle bracelet on?”
Kyle: “First off, you guys are clowns for writing that article about me. They couldn’t prove I stole those energy drinks and my step dad paid for the drywall so I left jail that same day.
I’m here to rage for the raid! As soon as you losers leave me alone I’m gonna smash this Monster, it’s like my 7th one, jump in the crowd and start a flash mosh pit!”
Woken: “Cool. Who’s this super young girl under your arm holding the wallet chain connecting your JNCO Jeans?”
Kyle: “Ugh, this is my girlfriend, you nerd. Her names Ashli but we just call her Trashli because it’s hilarious. She’ll be 17 in like 11 months.”
Woken: “Wonderful. Listen, Kyle..Trashli, we are so honored to talk to you two and I just hope you know Kyle that you are the worst person here. Possibly ever. Have fun!”
So far this raid is not living it’s best life but for Kyle it seems his life is about to change and hopefully for the worse.
*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.